Reviews for an Erotica Reader/Writer

Hello Lovelies!

I decided today to talk a little bit about reviews. They really are the life-blood of Indie authors (or any author, for that matter). If you enjoy a book, be it an epic novel or a short story, the best way to give your thanks to the author is with a review. You only need to leave a sentence or two to go along with your whatever-number-of-stars-rating. Something as simple as "I really enjoyed this story. The main character was fun to follow." Tailor it to your own tastes, of course, but that shows you how simple writing a review can be.

Sure, that's great for mainstream or genre books, but, come on, if you're reading this, we're pretty much talking about erotic stories, aren't we? It's silly, as there should be nothing wrong with reading about sex, but society often frowns upon it. I hear you. This may shock you, but Clara Zaynn isn't my real name. A pseudonym? For an erotica author? Unheard of, right? (Okay, get your laughs in now. 😁) What I'm saying is that you may be unsure about leaving reviews for sexy books. I have some easy ways for you to do it, however.

(Note, these work for you non-erotic readers and writers, too, of course, if you have reasons for wanting to leave reviews under a different name.)

Let's start with Goodreads, as this is easy to get a new account with your pseudonym. All you need is a different email account from the one you used to sign up with your real name. If you're simply a reader who wants to leave reviews, you're pretty much good to go. Set it up how you like, but as long as you have an account, you can start adding books to your list and reviewing them. One thing about Goodreads, too, is you don't need to leave a written review; you can simply give a book a rating from 1 to 5 stars and be done with it. Personally, I try not to do this and give a written review to everything. If you're an author, I'd advise setting up an author account, as it's easy enough to do, but that's a topic for another time. 

Smashwords is another easy one. I personally don't use Smashwords often, but I have set up a pseudonym account, and with the same email account I set up my Goodreads, it went nice and smooth. With that account, it'll be nice and easy to leave reviews. 

Now, let's talk about the biggie in Indie Publishing: Amazon. With as easy as Amazon makes it to publish, as well as the Kindle Unlimited program, reviews are probably most important for authors on Amazon. The problem with this is that Amazon, while it makes it easy to publish under a pseudonym, it's much harder to leave a review under one. You can change the name you leave reviews under, but as far as I can tell, it changes the name for every review you've ever written. Not ideal. It's also easy to start an account, but you can't start leaving reviews right away. No, Amazon says you need to spend $50 or more before you can start leaving reviews. (I believe they had all sorts of problems when they didn't do this, so it became a necessity. That's fine, but still a pain in the butt.)

So, what can you do? Well, if you don't see yourself spending $50 with Amazon, you probably aren't interested in leaving reviews on their site anyway, so problem solved. Stick with Goodreads, Smashwords, and the other retail sites (though, to be honest, I have no idea how easy it is to set up a second account with B&N or any of the others). If you use Amazon anyway, start buying from that account. You can purchase items and then send them to your real name and address. I did this, and I also found you could gift things to your other account. $50 proved no problem, and I didn't even splurge. Depending on your spending habits, it may take a few months or longer (or a few minutes), but you'll get there. Stick to the other sites until you pass the $50 threshold. 

Why go through the pain? Because authors will love you for your Amazon reviews. Yes, a Goodreads review still makes us smile, but Amazon is the gold-standard at the moment (and for the foreseeable future).

So there you go. Tips on leaving reviews for erotic stories. Make an author happy and leave reviews. Leave a multi-paragraph recap or give your thoughts in a sentence or two. Either way, you'll make an Indie author a happy camper!

Master List of 6 Contemporary Erotic Shorts Volume 1

Click here to find the collection at Amazon

Click here to find the collection at Smashwords

Click here to find the paperback at Amazon

You can also find it at other retailers. Simply search "6 Contemporary Erotic Shorts Volume 1"







You can purchase (or read for free if you're a Kindle Unlimited member) each story separately if you'd like. They are available only at Amazon.

Click here to find Flag Football Conquest

Click here to find Almost the Three of Them

Click here to find The Open House Sextravaganza

Click here to find Movie Theater Therapy

Click here to find HORSE-ing Around

Click here to find Substitute Teacher Daydreams

A Collection of Contemporary Erotica

Hello Lovelies!

Sometime soon, maybe as early as tomorrow, I'll have a new collection available. I'm calling it Six Contemporary Erotic Shorts, Volume One. It's six of my previously published stories packaged together in one book. It will be available on Amazon and Smashwords (and the other retailers that Smashwords sends to - Barnes and Noble, Kobo, iBooks, etc.) for $2.99. If you've always wanted to read these stories but don't do Amazon, this is your chance! It won't be available as a free Kindle Unlimited download, but each individual story is still available to read for free if you're a member.

And speaking of the stories, which ones are included? You get (in this order):
 - Flag Football Conquest
 - Almost the Three of Them
 - Open House Sextravaganza
 - Movie Theater Therapy
 - HORSE-ing Around
 - Substitute Teacher Daydreams

Here's the cover for the collection:

I will, of course, let you know when it's available. It'll likely be ready on Amazon first, followed by Smashwords, and a few days later, your other favorite ebook retailers. I'll also have a paperback version available, much like I did with the Babysitting Fun collection. If you have any question, ask in the comments, get a hold of me on Twitter, or email through my website. Thank you! 

Carnival of Sin: Coming Soon & Ch. 1 Preview

Hello Lovelies!

UPDATE: Carnival of Sin is now available. You can get it here!

I want to let everyone know that my newest book, Carnival of Sin, will be available Tuesday. This one is a bit of a departure for me. Yes, it's sexy and erotic, but it's also very brutal, violent, and gory. I'm labeling it as an Erotic Dark Fantasy, though I'm sure many would have no problem if I instead labeled it as Erotic Horror. I'll place the cover, description, and excerpt (Ch.1) below.

I'm marketing it a bit different than normal. My pricing platform is to charge 99¢ for my stories under 20k words, and $2.99 for works above that. This one is a novella of about 30k words, but instead of charging you $2.99 right out of the gate, I'll be pricing this at 99¢ for the first few days, maybe through the first weekend (we'll see how it goes). Of course, I'd be thrilled to get early reviews to help sell this one even further, which is one reason I'm putting it out at first at the cheaper price. It will also be available on Kindle Unlimited as a free download for those of you in that program.

So, what is the Carnival of Sin? Here are the cover and the description that will be on Amazon:

Conquering a deadly sexual gauntlet could lead Heart Masterson to a race of immortals.

Ever since her best friend disappeared, Heart has been searching. Armed only with a mysterious name, the Carnival of Sin, she scours the seediest corners of the internet and the darkest of back alleys. She must be ready to do whatever dirty deed it takes to find Bliss.

It’s only when Heart gives up all hope that the carnival reaches out, and she finally realizes what she’s been chasing. In order to find Bliss, the Carnival of Sin will challenge her in ways she never thought possible. Heart’s comfortable using both violence and sex, but she’s never experienced anything like this.

Can she survive the trials to find her best friend, Bliss? Or will the immortal Masters feast on her corpse?

If you’re a fan of BDSM and other brutal sexual acts, as well as violence and gore, this dark fantasy erotic tale is for you!

Because of strong sexual and violent depictions in this story, only those over the age of 18 should read this. You’ve been warned.

Chapter One

Heart dropped to her knees in the alleyway, well aware of the grime and slimy filth soaking into her jeans. It’s why she chose to wear an older pair. She knew going in this would be a dirty job in more ways than one.

This pig, Reynolds, had his button and fly already undone, so she reached in and pulled his cock out. If she could snag this information any other way, she’d choose to, but this was foolproof. Or as much as dealing with a guy like Reynolds could be.

“Yeah, baby, pull my balls out, too. Cradle my boys while you suck me off.”

Better believe she would. Though it’d be a lot less pleasant than he figured. She yanked his pants down hard to get more room. That earned a chuckle from him.

“Whoa there, girly. I know you’re eager, but no need to rip me out of my drawers.”

“I’m so ready for this,” she said as she fished his balls out. All in all, as she’d hoped, his cock measured average at best, and probably a little smaller. She could get his entire length in her mouth with no problem, even if she didn’t want to. He smelled like moldy cheese, and not the gourmet kind the stores charged an arm and a leg for, but this was the quickest way to get him to spill all he knew.

“Yeah, girly, go for it.”

She reached into her pocket, found the folded-up note where it should be, and then swallowed his stinky rod. He groaned, and though she wanted to go for the note right away, she needed him primed first. This was in no way as much fun as the last guy she procured info from. She’d ridden his beautifully sculpted body to multiple orgasms before forcing the answers out of him. He, Travers, had been so good she felt bad about slitting his throat after he talked. Reynolds would be lucky to go out so easy. He gave off a vibe which screamed she’d have to earn every bit of what he had to say.

“Shit, you go deep,” he hissed out. His hands went to the sides of her head, holding her in place. She relaxed and breathed through her nose. She would normally be able to go forever, as his cock wasn’t anywhere near big enough to block her windpipe, but, god damn it, he stank. This needed to end soon or she might puke. No, it wouldn’t do anything to the aesthetics of this alley, but it would ruin her mission. Reynolds would take it as a compliment if she spewed, thinking his dick had choked her, but she plain and simple wouldn’t be able to get back on him, and there was no way he’d spill any of his knowledge without prodding of some sort.

He pulled her hard off and then back onto his cock, getting it deeper in her throat. This time she held her breath until he let up. When he did, she took a couple of gulps of air through her mouth so she didn’t have to smell him before he impaled her face again.

“Fuck, girl,” he groaned. She had him.

She pulled the note out of her pants with one hand and cradled his balls with her other. The only way this could go wrong was if he couldn’t read, but she tested him before they came out there, feigning she’d forgotten her glasses and needing him to read a sign for her. He rattled off the fine print with no problem, so this plan should work.

“What’s this?” he asked as she handed him the note.

She stayed deep, her hand tightening on his balls. She felt more than heard his intake of breath. It was short but sweet, at least from her point of view.

It read: “You pull away or hit me, I clench and twist. Tell me about the Carnival of Sin.”

Though she had confidence in her ability to handle him however he chose to react, he still caught her by surprise. Instead of acting, he blubbered.

“They’ll kill me.”

She raised her eyebrows in a way she hoped portrayed, “So will I.”

He got it, and he gave her a curt nod. Then, more to himself, he muttered, “Women the weaker sex, my ass.”

Heart squeezed his balls, not hard, but enough so he knew she wasn’t being playful. She also bit down on the base of his cock, again not enough to cause any real pain, but it got his attention.

“Okay, okay. At least they won’t neuter me before they rip my throat out. I’d ask if you’re sure about getting mixed up with that bunch, but I think you deserve them. Why don’t you pull your mouth off my Johnson and tell me what you already know.

Ha! Nice try. She squeezed his scrotum, this time twisting it a little. She also rubbed her molars over the head of his cock.

“Ow, shit, stop. Okay, I’ll tell you everything I know. But, I swear, it’s not much.”

“Lie and I munch,” she said, not sure how clear it came out with her mouth full of his cock. He got the message.

“Yeah, no, I’ll tell you the truth. I’m fucked either way. It’s a place for people who want to die. To get one more, or maybe even their first, taste of the perverse. You can show up the first time and watch, but if you blab, you’re dead. Don’t ask me how. All I know is it’s the worst way to go. I’m one of their cleaners, so I’ve seen the aftermath. Those people are tortured and killed in the worst ways possible.”

Heart knew all this already. She bit down to get him to continue. The sicko was still rock hard in her mouth, and she had a feeling a few quick tugs would bring out his jism-storm. She held as still as possible.

“If you get invited back and choose to attend, you’re forced to participate. Those who want to die are given some sort of drug that dulls everything but their pleasure, even with the killing blow. That’s how it happens each time, however often they do it; I don’t know. The only time it’s any different is on Demon’s Night, which happens a few times a year. That’s when those who want to meet the masters are allowed to run the gauntlet. If they survive and finish whatever goals they’re given, without the use of the pleasure drug, they get the honor of meeting the masters. I don’t have a clue what goes on then, I swear. I assume it’s to join the group, but that’s nothing but a guess on my part.”

This tub of shit wasn’t giving her what she needed. “How do I get my invitation?” Was that understandable? Probably not, with his dick still hard in her mouth, but he picked up the gist of it.

“I can’t help you, I swear. I don’t have anything to do with the invites. I don’t even have a name for you to follow up on. I’m not bullshitting you, I promise.”

The quaking fear in his voice proved he told the truth. Though it disappointed her he couldn’t give her a free pass to the front of the line, so to speak, she could do nothing more about it tonight. All in the same motion, she reached into her boot, pulled out her trusty switchblade, and disengaged from his cock. Before he could do anything, she slit his throat deep. He gargled and fell to his knees, confusion dancing behind his eyes. Then the lights went out and he crumbled to the dirty pavement.

“You weren’t living through this, and that was a lot more humane than me biting off your cock.” She wiped her knife on his shirt, made sure no one had witnessed any of it, and headed out of the alleyway.

End of Chapter One

I hope you enjoyed the sneak peak at Carnival of Sin! Let me know what you think. I will, of course, have links on Tuesday when you can buy or download it. Until next time, be good humans!

Outlining Short Stories

Hello Lovelies!

Been a while since I've written a blog post, so let's make the most of it! I decided today to talk about how I plot my short stories. I always make myself an outline, or I find I never finish the story. I'm definitely not a pantser (someone who writes their first draft by the seat of their pants)! But what does it mean to make an outline? It's certainly not the old roman numeral, followed by uppercase letters, followed by numbers, followed by lowercase letters that many of us learned in school (though it can be if you like). No, an outline can be as structured or messy as you want it to be. Basically, if you write down a road map to your story of any kind, you've created an outline.

I start, of course, with a basic idea of what I want to write. After I have that, I freewrite. What does that mean? Basically, I start writing any idea that pops into my brain about what I want the overall story to be about, how I want it to start, how I want it to end, what should be in the middle, and everything else! There is no structure to this, and often thoughts stop midway through if I don't like the direction it's going. In fact, I rarely even look back at this freewrite exercise. I only do it to get my mind focused on the story. And, of course, if I do want to check back later, it's right there, either in my notebook or my Scrivener file. 

Once I'm happy with the direction and ideas for the story, I open a clean file (or turn to a fresh piece of paper if I'm writing old school) and summarize my story from start to finish. I try to do it all in one sitting, and since it's a short story, it doesn't need to be too long. I try not to add too many descriptions, dialogue, or anything else in my outline except the bare-bones of the story. I do this because it gives me more freedom during the actual first-draft writing. (And, yes, later during the first draft, if a better idea comes along, I'm not afraid to deviate from the outline even if it is sometimes a major pain in the buns.)

After I've finished this outline, I read it over again to make sure the story flows, and then add or delete things to make it the best story it can be. Basically, I have a summary of my story, with each scene in its own paragraph. Since I use Scrivener, it's easy to put it in its own window/column/whatever it's called so I can have it right there in front of me as I type. Of course, you'll have an easy way to do this with whatever program you use, including pen and paper. That simple process has done the job of both getting my mind focused on the story and building a structure that allows me to add plenty to as I write the actual story. Even though I've added a few steps to my story before I've even began, I find the writing goes so much faster and smoother. I know what I'm up against before I start, rather than trying to figure it out as I go.

It also makes the editing process easier, in my opinion. Since I have the story structured how I want it, I simply need to make sure the story reads smoothly for the reader. (Even so, I do have a whole routine when it comes to editing, but that can be the focus of a future post!) I've basically handled the editing of the structure before I wrote word-one on the first draft. Easy-peasy!  

So that's how I do it for my short stories. Feel free to copy my process if it helps you - it's why I posted it! Or take a bit of it. Or scoff and say your way is better. Whatever helps! Thank you for reading, and I'll see you soon!

Coming Soon - HORSE-ing Around

Hello Lovelies!

EDIT: It's available on Amazon here!

By this time tomorrow (later afternoon Pacific Daylight Time), my newest short story, HORSE-ing Around, should be available for you on Amazon. As always for my shorts (this one ~10k words), it will be available to purchase as a Kindle book for 99¢ or as a free download if you're a member of the Kindle Unlimited program. I will, of course, have the link for you when it's available. For now, check out the description and cover image. I hope you enjoy the read!

Description:

19 year old Carrie Garcia hates her boyfriend, Dylan, but she doesn’t want to break up with him because of how great he is in bed. After he humiliates her yet again, she realizes she’s had enough. While he heads for the gym, and doesn’t invite her, she drives to the campus basketball court to shoot away her anger. As fate would have it, a totally hot nice guy, a welcome change from Dylan, also chooses to shoot baskets on that Saturday night. Instead of simply chucking up shots, they decide it would be fun to play a game of HORSE. The added bonus? The one who gets a letter also has to answer a personal question.

Can a random game of HORSE really lead to true love? Reveal a soul mate? Carrie thinks it might. Will this nice guy, Jay, think the same thing after Carrie reveals more of her past, why she’s still with Dylan? She thinks he might be her true love, but he needs to agree for that to work. What will the game reveal?

April Fools' Foolishness!

Hello Lovelies!

I decided to share one of my favorite (long) jokes with everyone today. I can't give a source for it, as I heard it from a manager in the bookstore I worked at in the late 90s. (Yes, a bookstore! Remember those! 😉) I only heard it the one time, but it stuck with me. So, in honor of April Fools' Day, and with a little bit of flair (I hope), here you go!

There was once a woman named Barb. Barb was your typical, everyday office drone, doing the 9 to 5 thing. The thing that got Barb through life with at least a little bit of a smile were clowns. Now, quite a few people have a phobia of clowns, but not Barb. Heck, she even wanted to meet that creepy old clown Pennywise in the iconic Stephen King story, IT. 

One day while taking the bus into work, she found an ad mixed in with his Twitter feed that said a huge circus was coming to town. And not only that, but touring with the circus was the the reigning ten-time winner of World's Greatest Clown competition, Horatio the Hilarious. Barb almost spilled her coffee when she read it, but she knew people would look at her if she did, so she kept himself in check.

On the day the tickets went on sale, Barb made sure to buy what she considered to be the best seat in the house. Maybe front-row-center was a bit of a misnomer since the show would take place in a circular arena, but it was the best one in her opinion. Now she only had to get through the next two months before the show actually got to town.

As it always does, time moved forward, and before she knew it, Barb was first in line to get into the arena. She normally watched what she ate and how much she spent, but today was a special day. Horatio the Hilarious didn't come to town often, after all! She purchased a collector's edition program, a pennant to wave during the show, a big floppy bonnet complete with a water-squirting flower, a couple of reusable shopping bags--one for Horatio, and the other for the circus itself--and a few random buttons and pins.

And let's not forget the scrumptious food! She bought a corn dog, a big box of Cracker Jacks, a tub of buttered popcorn, a bag of cotton candy, and a few caramel apples. No, she couldn't eat it all now, but so much of it would taste just as good at home, and she could remember the fun she had at the circus when she ate the treats. Of course she also got a ginormous soda in a take-home souvenir cup. What could be better?

Barb rarely liked to talk to people, but she made an exception at the circus. A young family sat to her left, and an older couple on her right, and she enjoyed spending the time chatting both up before the show started. Of course, when the lights dimmed and fanfare started, all of her attention went to the floor where the action would take place.

It was a glorious circus. Two hours of acrobats, magicians, high-fliers, trained animals, and a gaggle of clowns. She loved every second, but she saved up her most thunderous round of applause. Horatio the Hilarious, after all, hadn't yet made his appearance. 

At last, after all the other performers moved off-stage, the lights went dark for a minute or two, and then the unmistakable clown music, March of the Gladiators--doot-doot-doodle-doodle-doot-doot-do-do--sounded, and a spotlight picked up a clown struggling to keep upright on a unicycle. Of course, there was nothing uncoordinated about it, as he "accidentally" did tricks that no one but a master could pull off. After a few minutes of this, he tumbled head-over-heels and landed as gracefully as could be. The crowd, including Barb, went nuts for the great Horatio the Hilarious. 

Horatio put on a thirty minute show of non-stop tricks, tumbles, and hilarity. To end his set, he walked up into the audience. Barb's breath caught in her throat. He was coming straight for her! Both he and the spotlight stopped next to her. She felt the eyes of everyone in the arena boring into her. She wanted to say something to Horatio, a quick thank you or anything to show she appreciated everything he'd done, how he made her life that much brighter. Before she could get anything out, though, Horatio spoke.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Are you the horse's head?"

You could have heard a pin drop in the arena waiting for her answer, but she had no idea how to respond. All she could do was shake her head, getting her over-sized bonnet to flop around, and say, "I...I don't know."

"You don't know if you're the horse's head?"

A few titters now sounded out around the quiet arena, but she still didn't know how to respond. All she could say was, "No."

"Then you must be the horse's ass!"

The arena erupted in laughter, including Horatio's iconic bray. Everyone thought it was the best joke ever. Everyone, that is, except Barb. She tried her best to slink down in her seat so no one would look at her. Luckily, at that moment, Horatio took his final bows and earned a standing ovation. She took that chance to flee the arena, leaving behind all her souvenirs and left-over snacks. She didn't want any of it any longer. She even stuffed the bonnet into a trash can on her way out. 

She had to call in sick to work on Monday and Tuesday because she was so distraught. Her hero had humiliated her. Sure, if it had happened to someone else, she probably would have laughed like a loon and thought nothing of the feelings of the recipient, but it hadn't been someone else. It had been her.

Finally, late Tuesday night, as she browsed the Internet, she came across an ad for an Internet clown school. Even though the image of Horatio the Horrible, as she now thought of him, graced the page, she still took notice. Maybe she could become a clown and hide her tears behind laughter. She signed up right away, and received her welcome package via email less than five minutes later. After pouring through the material, she felt well enough to go back to work the next day. 

The next year-and-a-half were the busiest of Barb's life. She worked her 9 to 5 job like always, but on her coffee breaks, lunch break, commutes, and, of course, for hours after work, she dug into the on-line clown college tasks. Thanks to .pdf booklets, links to YouTube videos, and local seminars on the weekends, she learned how to make exotic balloon animals, ride a unicycle (both in general, and later with style), create hilarious practical jokes, tumble, shoot water out of fake flowers with incredible accuracy, and everything else a clown needed to do to garner laughs. But the thing that Barb proved best at, something that surprised even her, was coming up with snappy comebacks. She couldn't ever do it before, but she found when she wore the iconic clown makeup, it brought out the best in her.

She dominated the snappy comeback school forums. She cracked everyone up, even the instructors, at the weekend seminars. She even traveled to the school's headquarters in Walla-Walla (California, not Washington) and decimated the head clowns with her biting humor. She soon became known as Ms. Snappy Comeback, and she started to draw media attention. She went on the talk-show circuit, became the special guest on stand-up nights in prestigious comedy clubs, and even began getting guest spots on major television shows and movies. Before long, she no longer needed the makeup to make her biting and hilarious quips. That's when her career, first as a star in sit-coms on television, and then in staring roles in major motion picture blockbusters started coming her way. Needless to say, her times in the cubicles was over, and life couldn't be sweeter. She supposed she owed it all to that clown Horatio the Horrible, who she had, thank goodness, never again run into.

After almost a decade of being on top, Barb decided to take a break. She returned to her hometown and settled into a nice routine. Of course, when she went out shopping or to dinner or anything else, people loved it when she zinged them. They'd make sure their friends got it on video before having her sign a receipt or napkin or something. They loved it, and Barb enjoyed making people happy.

Then, one fateful Tuesday afternoon, Barb saw that the circus was coming to town. The same one that had brought about her new life. Not only that, but it was coming to the same arena, and Horatio the Hilarious was even coming out of retirement for the tour. She honestly hadn't given the horrible clown any thought in a few years, so she decided she could let bygones be bygones and enjoy the show. But wouldn't you know it? When the tickets went on sale, she found she could purchase the same exact seat she'd been in that day. She snatched it up, and a plan formed.

When the day of the circus came, she didn't go overboard with the treats, ordering only a deep-fried corn dog, a tub of popcorn, and a medium soda. She grabbed a poster and a few pins and buttons. Why not, right? She had a pretty extensive collection of both contemporary and vintage circus souvenirs. Hey, everyone needed a hobby, and hunting for such gems was hers. 

The circus went pretty much the same as the one ten years prior. Sure, there were new tricks and such, and she enjoyed the heck out of it all, but a circus was a circus. Besides, she was waiting for Horatio, and hoped he'd choose her to try to humiliate again. From everything she'd researched on the Internet, his set was pretty similar to the one from those ten years ago.

Before she knew it, the circus proper was over, and Horatio the Hilarious made his appearance. Like before, he came out on a unicycle, and though she tried to find fault in his acting, she couldn't. He looked as smooth and practiced in his foolishness as he had then. In fact, he didn't look to have missed a beat at all in his retirement. Despite herself, Barb had to admit she enjoyed his performance immensely. 

Then came the moment of truth. His act had come to its end except for the one bit of audience participation. Like before, Horatio headed right towards Barb. She thought for a second he might choose another seat, but like had happened ten years prior, he and the spotlight stopped right in front of her. This time she held no nerves.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but are you the horse's head?"

Same joke. Not that it mattered anymore. Barb stood, and as she did, the quiet audience, waiting for the poor woman in the front row to be humiliated, instead recognized her as Ms. Snappy Comeback. Even Horatio noticed, as his painted eyes grew wide in fear. Soon word had spread around the entire arena, and everyone knew what was going on in the spotlight.

Barb, now completely immersed in her Ms. Snappy Comeback role, leaned forward, tilted the microphone in Horatio's collar towards her, and said... 

"Fuck you, Clown!"